Hi,
I’m fine with the modifications. However if we are fixing up the document, it could be worth re-editing the entire document to make it a little more legible and clearer. The document currently feels like the result of patchwork and it doesn’t have a particularly good flow or legibilitiy imo.
I went back over my comments this evening and reviewed them from this perspective. Agreed.
That is of course a much larger task than simply striking some parts. If we don’t go down that path, then let’s at least correct some of the grammatical errors in the document, such as:
• 6.6.2.3. ICANN Board Rejection
If the ICANN Board rejects a proposal it will provide the Address Council with it specific concerns regarding the policy proposal.
Should be:
• If the ICANN Board rejects a proposal it will provide the Address Council with *its* specific concerns regarding the policy proposal.
Regarding your point on a larger edit. This round of edits is so small it almost demands waiting for something substantial like a clarity edit. I'd be in favor of such an approach. Good work, Kevin, and thanks for the edits.
Warm regards,
-M<
ov 2021, at 01:42, German Valdez <german@apnic.net> wrote:
>
> Dear ASO AC
>
> As per discussion in the last meeting the document will be open for comments for 14 days before presenting a final version for the voting of the ASO AC members.
>
> Deadline to submit your comments is Tuesday 16 November 2021.
>
> Regards
>
> German Valdez
>
> From: AC-DISCUSS <ac-discuss-bounces@aso.icann.org> on behalf of Martin Hannigan <hannigan@gmail.com>
> Date: Thursday, 4 November 2021 at 4:45 am
> To: Kevin Blumberg <kevinb@thewire.ca>
> Cc: ASO Address Council Public Discussion List <ac-discuss@aso.icann.org>
> Subject: Re: [AC-DISCUSS] Draft of Changes to Operating Procedures Section 6
>
>
>
> Converted to Word/Docs to provide comments.
>
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1L6qgfsLsu9OtVhtrWvfYK2MiCLzXC573YwqZLAl_WBo/edit?usp=sharing
>
> Thanks
>
> -M<
>
> On Wed, Nov 3, 2021 at 6:52 AM Kevin Blumberg <kevinb@thewire.ca> wrote:
> I have attached a redline set of changes to the ASO AC Procedures for Global Policy Development under Section 6.
>
>
> I added one additional piece of text to show that Annex A is the authoritative document.
> If you have any additional recommendations or edits please send them in.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Kevin
>
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